Casa Bonita

The other day, I had the pleasure of going to Casa Bonita in Denver for the first time ever. This was a monumental event in my life because, since I was a small child, I was promised school trips to Casa Bonita time after time only to have my hopes dashed at the last minute when we didn’t have enough parent chaperones or there wasn’t any funding left. My excitement was heightened still by the South Park episode about the restaurant. Now that I was 22, I was finally going to go.

We drove in heightened anticipation down Colfax through the sketchy neighborhood where Casa Bonita is located. It’s lodged in between cheap stores in the corner of a strip mall, but it’s majestic pink tower raises high above the shops like a homing beacon for those seeking the craziest experience Denver has to offer.

When we got inside, we passed through the long line to the area where you order your food--and I use the term “food” loosely. It really doesn’t matter what we ordered, we were there for the sopapillas and the experience. We got our trays of food and sat down at a table up near the stage where mariachis were playing. They finished and the show began. All the actors looked like they were probably drama geeks at local high schools who were doing this as their summer job. We were rather close to the stage, so we could really see the old raggedy costumes and wigs. The audio system had to be as ancient as the building because you couldn’t understand a word the kids were saying--not that it mattered, we just wanted to see someone do a cliff dive off the waterfall. Finally, we got to watch the dude in the taped-up gorilla costume throw the girl in the ratty blonde wig into the pool. Awesome! After that, they did a scene with Black Bart, who is also the gorilla and the cliff diver. He and the kid playing the sherif argued on the cliff and--you guessed it--he dove in. Even better!

We picked at our food and then gobbled down two plates of sopapillas before heading off to the other attractions. My favorite was Black Bart’s Cave because it was both claustrophobic and dangerous. We walked in the narrow opening (note to parents: don’t let your fat kids play in Black Bart’s Cave because they’ll definitely get stuck) and through the pitch black area. The floor was totally uneven and I was certain I’d fall flat on my face and knock my teeth out, thus ruining the otherwise stellar evening. I turned on my phone and used it for light as a precautionary measure. At one point, we passed a big hole in the wall where an arm was dangling down grabbing at people as they passed by. Naturally, we assumed it was a Casa Bonita employee, but as we turned the corner, we saw it was some teenage dude who was copping a feel off people as they passed. Black Barts cave was now claustrophobic, dangerous and creepy! This was truly the greatest attraction ever!

With Black Bart’s Cave behind us, we headed to the gift shop where we spent like Candy Spelling. After buying only the most corny of merchandise, we were ready to bid farewell to this magical place and return to our real lives. As we got in the car to head home, we knew that we had just visited a paradise of sorts and with a tear in our eyes and a cheesy strip mall in our rearview mirror, we headed home.