Worms on a Floor

"Enough is enough, I've had it with these motherf*ckin' worms on this motherf*ckin' floor!"

Tonight, as my mom and I sat in her house watching all the 9/11 documentaries and specials on TV, we were getting tired and I decided to head on home. Everything seemed normal and I got my shoes and jacket on as I headed out towards the front room. Things were totally normal... but that was about to change.

As we were heading out the door, we noticed a big six inch worm in the middle of the floor in the foyer. Then, as we looked around, there was another worm about two feet from that one, and another one a little closer to the door. One was up against the wall near a window and yet another looked like it was trying to make it's way up the stairs. What the hell was going on? Why were there all these worms on the floor in the house? Where did they come from and how long had they been there?! It was horrible.

We felt bad because they looked like they were drying out and getting all crusty. We decided to load them into a giant paper cup cup and dump them outside in the grass. Using a Bed Bath and Beyond ad and a wooden letter opener, I figured I'd pick them up and drop them into the cup. I assumed they'd be rather lifeless considering their deteriorating state, but instead, they were very much alive. When I tried to flip them on to the Bed Bath and Beyond ad with the letter opener, they wiggled like I had dropped crystal meth on them. It was so infinitely creepy!

It really reminded me of this old movie I had seen a long time ago called Squirm. It's an old campy movie from 1976 where an "avalanche of worms" destroy a town. Was our house going to be consumed by an avalanche of bloodthirsty killer worms?!

It's only been about an hour since we thwarted the worm attack, so they could return for a second strike. If I don't write something more here in the next few days, you'll know I was consumed alive by killer worms!